Mirella Frangella | Photographer

Choco

CHOCO

"When I was a student, I liked the beauty of the strong curves of women created by corsets. I was wondering when I would be able to worry about the size and design of my underwear like everyone else. The bodies of girls and boys in my class changed in various ways. When my period started, my chest didn’t really grow at all, which worried me. I always took a day off when I had a swimming class at school, and it was hard to even change clothes with the girls standing next to me.

Sometimes I doubted my gender and asked the doctor to inject female sex hormones into my system. However, he refused to do it because of the strong side effects. I thought that I’d have to wear something around my chest. Therefore, I bought a pair of large sized bras and wore them – fake breasts. Nevertheless,
I still didn’t feel good all the time because the size just wasn’t right.

Japan is a male society. The Japanese media and the internet have a very strong social impact. The main commercials for women are hair removal, facial whitening, makeup and diet. Moreover, there are so many more commercials than in Berlin. It’s poisonous to play the gender role that society demands, and to stop thinking about who you are.

I’ve been thinking a lot about femininity in my life, but in reality, I was very tired of the words. There was always a feeling that I couldn’t be categorized anywhere. I have my own body, my favourite makeup, my fashion, etc. and inside my thoughts and my experiences. I am me, I am always looking for myself. It’s not two things: femininity and masculinity. Therefore, when I learned the word ‘non-binary’, I felt that both my mind and body started to relax.

Being honest with yourself requires energy and can sometimes be lonely. Nevertheless, without loneliness, love is not born. When I’m alone, I want love.

Being part of the majority can feel comfortable, it may feel safe to fall into a category. However, if it’s uncomfortable for you, don’t be afraid to change yourself or your environment. You don’t have to limit your life in order to please others. Believe in any choice and in love. Find a place where all your choices are accepted. Find people who accept you.

No matter who says what, the most important thing is what you are and what makes you happy."